I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize