I'm so fucking centered right now
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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