the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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