I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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