so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
