my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
