I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
