there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
