my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
