I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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