i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
