you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm passing your future prison.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
