Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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