you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize