Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need moral support for this bender
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
