I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
