Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
