carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She bit a glass in half.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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