think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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