So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you never un-have a 4some
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
