I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
