that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
