Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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