We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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