You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
