ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
