dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
