hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
