I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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