Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk is not a location!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize