Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
