bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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