dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
