Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
