when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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