I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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