Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
