My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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