I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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