I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
