she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
