idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
