Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize