I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I AM VODKA MAN
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we should paint friendship bongs
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