maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize