Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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