She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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