So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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