We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
