dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The adults are the big ones right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
