Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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