My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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