She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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