your parents love me but you hate me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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