Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
