he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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