I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
