Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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