so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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