Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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