First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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