if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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