Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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