I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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