She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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